I've been published...sort of:)

Here's a link to an article I wrote last year...it's finally made it's way to the world wide web. It's weird reading something that I wrote so long along, it still feels very real and accurate:)

Enjoy!!

http://tinyurl.com/ylbzml9

Check-up time-T minus 4 days

It's that time again. You know what time. Check up time. Four months already. These are the quickest four months ever. I went in for my CA125 blood test this week and the wait the begins. The reality of the situation has reared it's ugly head once more. This is especially hard when there are so many great things going on for me right now and so many plans I've set in motion. So much so that my mind won't rest until I know that I'm all clear. Living life in 4-month interval's is not my idea of fun, but it's my hand and I'm dealing.

I plan on asking the good doctor about my port or my socket as Dan calls it (gotta love his humor). I still have it and from what I've been told they are reluctant to take it based on the high recurrence rate of OVCA. Truthfully I think it depends on the doctor and individual...so we'll see.

Oh yeah, I'm on weight watchers aka I'm watching my weight:) Apparently I don't know how to stop eating on my own, I needed an intervention...so WW is now my friend. So far my friend has helped me lose about 6 pounds and what's really awesome is that I only have a bunch more to go!! The program works if you work it!!! I still have a hard time understanding how when most people lose weight during cancer treatments, I managed to gain...gain the equivilent of a small child...UNBELIEVABLE!! One day at a time that's all I can do...that's how I'm living!!!

Happy Blog-A-Versary to me!!

So this is my 100th post!! Happy blog-A-versary to me!!! I'm so not a diary/journal gal...what I loved most about keeping a diary as a kid was looking at and hiding the shiny gold key it came with...the key to my secret thoughts. Yet, without fail and after one or two half entries, that shiny gold key and the diary it belonged always became a distant memory. This pattern of start-stop-toss was something that I carried for years...so this my friends is my first successful diary experience and I'm ever so grateful for it!!

I named this blog---Journey-A letter 2 Ovarian Cancer, because I started off really angry. I wanted to give ovarian cancer a piece of my mind...I believe I've done just that and I'm sure I will continue to do that and more...yet a year and a half later my letter is a little different.

Dear Ovarian Cancer,

Life before you was AMAZING!! After you entered my world, I thought all was lost and I'm happy to report that life after you is still AMAZING!! Thank you for opening my eyes and making me more aware. Thank you for pushing me to keep moving, maybe a little slower at times...but still moving. Thank you for filling me with anger- anger that I turned into energy- energy that I used to kick your ass!! Thank you for giving me the gift of friends from all around the world and for allowing me to be a VOICE for this not so silent disease. Thank you for showing me that life does go on and it can be good. Thank you for the constant reminder that this too shall pass and that if I can overcome you, I can overcome anything!!! Thank you for teaching me about vanity and appreciating the BEAUTY of a bald head(wash-rub-go), you can't beat it!! Thank you for teaching me to live in the moment and to enjoy every day that we have with the people we love, as tomorrow is not promised.


P.S. I would say thank you for the hot flashes as they truly are fascinating and make having conversations oh so awkward but I'm just not that there yet:)...baby steps people, baby steps!

Happy New Year!!

I had a fantastic holiday season!! If there's anything that cancer has taught me, it's to live-laugh-love always!!!! I don't have time for people who can't appreciate that sentiment and I chose not to surround myself with them. I'm not going to bore you with resolutions, I know what they are and I know what I need to do. No need to chat about it, as chatting doesn't accomplish anything. So this year is all about the physical act and making things manifest. I continue to pray for all of my sisters fighting the good but not so easy fight and although we are near and far, you are in my thoughts everyday. We are cancer warriors and the battle continues.


I'm attaching a picture of my beautiful God-Daughter because she's just too cute for words and because she reminds of all that's left to do in life and I'm keeping my eyes on the prize.

Wishing all of you a wonderful new year, filled with good health and prosperity.

xoxo

Mammogram or Bust!!

"Women in their 40s should not get routine mammograms for early detection of breast cancer, according to updated guidelines set forth by the U.S. Preventive Services Task Force."

So the "experts" have spoken...again. Up until now mammograms were routine for women 40 and over. Now a task force that consist of not one oncologist has changed the advisory and has recommended that women between 40 and 49 should consult with their individual doctor to see if it's in their best interest to have a mammogram. They say routine mammograms in younger women are responsible for early detection breast cancer in about 15% women in this age group. In my opinion(and I'm no expert) this means that without that early screening method, there's a chance that a good number of those same women would go undiagnosed until it was probably too late.

So now it's up to your doctor and unfortunately insurance companies to give the final yes. I am forever thankful that my original gyn did not DISMISS me because of my age. Statistically, Ovarian Cancer is a 55-60 year old Caucasian woman's disease. (I'm gearing up on for another blog post, where I will tackle that statistic head on.) And unlike breast cancer, there is no screening tool to detect Ovarian Cancer. It's up to you to educate your doctor and push him to dig deeper if you feel like something is wrong. I guess the same now goes for women 40-49 when it comes to breast cancer and BTW-they're not so sure self-exams are a good way to spend your time either...who are these people and how can we get them to collectively agree to stop talking and leave well enough alone?

When will we get it? We can save millions of dollars on treatment if we had more preventative measures in place. Stop trying to cut corners!! No matter what your political affiliation, you have to agree that without adequate health-care we are ALL at risk!

Three Birthdays beyond diagnosis...

Birthday's take on a whole new meaning when you experience something as devastating as a cancer diagnosis. I remember being so excited to reach 10, because that meant I was now in the double digit club. 13 meant that I was OFFICIALLY a Teenager. 16, well we all know that every girl dreams about their "sweet 16", although I didn't have a party, I still felt that along with 16 came some rite of passage. After-all, on all of the shows I grew up watching, from The Brady Bunch to The Cosby Show--16 was a milestone, it was the age you could date, get your ears pierced, wear make-up...you know those things that scream "I'm a woman now"....18 gave me the right to vote, 21 the right to have the drink of my choice, 25 meant I was half way to the big 3-0, and 30...well after that I kind of stopped counting.


My 36th birthday was on Thursday and I'm back to counting. Instead of counting towards the big 4-0, I'm counting away from the big C. I was diagnosed at the age of 33 with Ovarian Cancer, six weeks before my 34th Birthday. So this is officially my 3rd birthday after diagnosis. Never in a million years would I have guessed that this would be my life at 36. The best thing about life at 36 is that I'm aware and more thankful and grateful for every day I have here on earth. For the people who surround me and love me for who I am. Sometimes I sit and watch people who supposedly have it all. The husband, house, kids, dream job & car. I watch in amazement as these same people still find something to complain about. How is that possible?

Earlier today I caught a little bit of "Extreme Home Makeover"...you know the one that no matter how hard you try, you can't watch with out shedding enough tears to remove a drought. A little girl had been writing the show forever, begging for help for her family of 7 who were forced to leave their home and live in a hotel room because of toxins that were found in their home. She prayed and she prayed, and at times she wanted to give up. She told her mom that part of her felt that God just didn't care about them.

I understand her , probably more than someone who hasn't experienced a loss or traumatic event. Every year that I'm blessed with another birthday I'm reminded that no matter what, we have to stay faithful and positive. We have to stay committed to our journey and the road we are traveling. No it's not easy, but what is? I still have my moments of despair, but that's okay. I may not have everything I want in life, but I have everything I need.

So here's to another birthday and to being open and receptive to the blessings that are bestowed upon me everyday.

A OKAY on the check up front...

As I walked into the cancer center for my 8:30 appointment on Tuesday, the moment was a bit surreal. Not because of my looming appointment where I would find out it this ugly beast was still minding it's own business, but because my father who lives some 500 miles away, was walking into some building of his own to face his own beast, his first radiation treatment for prostate cancer. Even as I write these words, it's still unimaginable to me that cancer can strike not only once, but twice in the same family at the same time. We're not alone in this journey, there are millions of people in the same predicament all over the world. It doesn't make it any easier to digest, in fact I'd say it's equally annoying at best. The good news is that I'm still kicking cancer's butt and my dad is too!! It's funny, now that I know the word cancer I find myself hoping and praying that if anyone I know gets it, that they get a kinder more gentle version. Something manageable,something beatable...a kind version + a great attitude= a win win situation. Funny how our perspective changes with firsthand experience.

CANCERVERSARY--Thank you...

I still plan on giving this speech when I accept my first Emmy or Oscar, but I thought it was only fitting that I that I pay homage to this day with some important thank-you's.

Two years ago today, I was diagnosed with Ovarian Cancer. Two years ago today, my life was forever changed. Today, I am still here and blessed to be so.

Thank you to my wonderful hubby(Dan) who without him by my side this journey would have been a lot harder to navigate.

Thank you to the most wonderful parents in the world for being there every step of the way.

Thanks to all my friends & family, those near and far who have lifted me up and continued to lift me up in prayer.

THANK YOU to the wonderful team of Doctor's for making this journey a little less scary.

Thank you to the Ovarian Cancer Alliance for everything you do to make this diagnosis easier to understand.

And finally, it's without saying...I thank GOD for staying with me. There were times that I've question why, but at the end of the day I know there is a plan for me and it will revealed all in HIS time.

Teal Is The New Black-September is Ovarian Cancer Awarness Month

The symptoms are real...I'm real...I'm proof that this disease does not discriminate, proof that early detection is key ....bloating, frequent or urgent urination, back pain, pain during intercourse, abdominal pain...symptoms that if you're a woman you've probably experienced at some point during the month...the question on the minds of many is how do we take care of ourselves without becoming crazy and obsessed with every single pain or ache....

I won't tell you it's easy because it's not. It starts with knowing your body and knowing yourself. It starts with regular check ups. It starts with your voice and knowing how to use it.

Diagnosed at the age of 33 in October 2007, African-American and three weeks shy of my first wedding anniversary this is not how I pictured my life. Cancer happens to other people and on Lifetime movies, you know those movies you never want to watch, but always do. Almost two years later, I still wear the effects of cancer...it's in my eyes, it's wrapped up in the extra pounds I now carry, it's in the random sweats that occur at the most inopportune time, it's in the monkey on my back...the monkey that reminds me that I am not the same, that I 'm constantly making adjustments to the way I live, the things I can and will never be able to do. I wear the effects but it's not who I am. What I am is a SURVIVOR an ADVOCATE, A WIFE, DAUGHTER, FRIEND, & CONFIDENT.

I am blessed to have a wonderful support system and team of doctors on my side. Would I rather be on the sidelines supporting the fight against cancer, ABSOLUTELY!! That's not my journey. My journey is to make sure that I pay homage to the women who walked before me and to be of inspiration to those who beside me, on my right and my left and those who will unfortunately follow in my shoes.

Thank you for helping to create awareness for this not so silent disease. Thank you to my husband, family, and friends for supporting me on the journey of a lifetime...

Ramblings and rants from an OVCA survivor...

I had the wonderful opportunity to get together with my some of my favorite women today, fellow OVCA survivors. I almost didn't make it, as procrastination has become a real enemy of mine. I've known about this lunch for weeks, yet without failure, I insist on waiting to the last minute to get ready. I'm glad I made it. Being in such good company makes this disease a lot easier to handle. We're all in various stages with our journey, which can be both good and bad. Good because there's always someone to draw strength or seek advice from. Bad because, you always wonder, am I next? Every ache and pain brings forth so many concerns that most people don't have. In addition to trying to get back to normal, us survivors spend a lot of time trying to outrun that big bad monster, "RECURRENCE". Recurrence means that you begin the fight all over again and whether it's with additional surgeries or treatment, you've got to be ready to fight the good fight.

I heard about the passing of two wonderful women today, I'm praying for the families of those women. I want their families to know that I won't stop speaking and screaming from the top of my lungs about this ridiculous disease that does not discriminate...

Let's get this health care situation right. Whatever your political preference, know that you or someone you love may find themselves in a position one day where their well being or survival could depend on what kind of coverage is offered to those who are under insured. Personally, I don't care if you raise my taxes...if it means that my neighbor will be okay, have at it! My major concern with the health care reform is that it is user friendly. Meaning, everyone will know how to access it and use it with out a 52 page map. If it's not user friendly, why bother?

Lauren Taylor McGowan

Mom & Lauren Taylor

Truth be told, I didn't know how I would feel. I love my best friend, so if the universe was aligned(as we'd all like it to be), I would with-out question love her newborn baby girl as well.

I've made peace with my journey, but like any woman who's had their right to bear children taken away from them, there are times when I still can't understand how I got to this place. Sure, I joined the cancer club, kicking and screaming the whole way as most people do, but how I got there is no longer the issue. It's how do I work through and process everything that comes along with this not so cheap membership.

INTRODUCING...Lauren Taylor

My best friend isn't the first person to have a baby in my immediate circle and odds are she won't be the last. Does that make it an easier pill to swallow? Some days it does, some days it doesn't. But such is life and I have a GOOD life. I'm here, alive and well. Things get better every day and when in doubt I'm reminded of how much worst things could be and that for me is really what keeps me moving.

My newest angel, Lauren Taylor McGowan made her debut on August 8th 2009. Her middle name is an ode to me, as my full name is Kia Riddick-Taylor. I'm honored that Tasha and her husband Joe wanted their daughter to have a piece of me to carry with her throughout life. I'm super glad that my married name is universal name. It works as a first, middle, and last name equally great. I LOVE the fact that there's is a new baby in my life that I can spoil and love(without the around o'clock feedings and diaper changes). The jury reached it's verdict pretty fast on this one ...I'm DEFINITELY in love as it should be:)

Dad & Lauren Taylor

FINALLY...My magazine debut...

It's been months since my big "photoshoot", you remember the one where the photographer joined me at my monthly luncheon for Ovarian Cancer survivors, a great treat organized every month by The Ovarian Cancer Alliance of FL. For those of you just joining my blog, I'll give you a brief recap of that magical day. After channeling my inner America's Next Top Model all thoughout lunch, the photographer then followed me home to catch some shots of Dan and I, kind of like something you'd see in "Ladies Home Journal"...shortly before the shoot I was interviewed for this same article where the writer would ultimately tell my story in an "as told to" format...which reads as if I'm speaking/writing in first person. The article would appear in the July issue of "All You Magazine", a magazine that you can only find in Walmart. I'm all for anything that creates awareness for OVCA, like many of you...that's my number one goal and the only way I can make since out of this dreadful disease. This article does just that! It creates awareness for the disease and reiterates that this disease does not discriminate!


Sounds good, right? A win win for all...sort of...


I say sort of, because although I'm pleased about the awareness Ovarian Cancer is getting, I don't feel like the article captures the true essence of who I am and how I've navigated my journey.

For starters, the article states that the hardest thing for me to process was the fact that I had to have a hysterectomy. For anyone who's a regular reader, you know that's simply not the case. I won't lie, the idea of having a hysterectomy at the age of of thirty-four totally sucks. No kids, instant menopause, and sleepless nights all thanks to my lack of ovaries...ovaries that I've had for over thirty years and as I told one class of nursing students that I recently spoke to, the WORST part is the fact that I had to contend with horrible periods for over twenty years...now where's the justice in that!

I've said it once and I'll say it again, my hysterectomy was the EASIEST decision I ever made, as it was a matter of life or death and I CHOSE life. For ME it was the only decision. The article made it seem like my whole world was wrapped up in having children and a family of my own. I'm a smart, strong, confident woman and above all else I know that a family is what you make it.

The article also mentioned how I'd cry for days on end when I had treatment...yes, I admit tears would start out of no where, as chemo made me pretty emotional...but crying for days on end, even if I wanted to...Dan would never let that happen...not on his watch anyway:)

I wrote an e-mail to the lovely woman who interviewed me, not to complain or bitch...but to thank her for bringing OVCA to the limelight and to voice my concerns over some of the articles contents. She completely understood where I was coming from and although she did her best, once the piece leaves her hands it goes through a vigorous editing process, from there it's all out of her control. Having worked in the entertainment industry for years, I too know how these things work. Maybe I was too positive for someone dealing with such a hideous illness, maybe the idea of a young, newly married woman, struggling with the fact that her right to have children had just been taken away from her, would sell a few more magazines...who knows. I just know that I owed it to myself, my readers, and anyone out facing the same situation to speak up and speak out.

As soon as I can figure out a way to upload the article, I will...

*Okay-Here I am again, I think I got it. I had to upload the pdf to a media share sight, when you click on it it will take you to the file, from there you will be able to read it(hopefully)

http://www.mediafire.com/?sharekey=4853ac6c7e15c38ee7ba8e3c6e11ce20e04e75f6e8ebb871

Broken wing, but never spirit...

My house is a mess, I'm a mess(still carrying these 30 extra chemo pounds), I'm completely unorganized and yet things have never been better(health-wise and career-wise). I'm not complaining, I'm venting. Today is the first day in a long time that I've felt beaten up and broken. Today my camouflage comes off and if you don't want to see what's underneath I suggest you stop reading now.

I spend a lot of time and energy working to inspire people dealing with cancer or any critical illness. I want them to see that you can get to the other side and that life does go on. I believe in that. I believe that my journey will help someone else in their journey.

Today I had more quiet time than I've had in a long time and I think my thoughts got the best of me. I'm still angry. I'm angry at cancer. I'm angry for me, for the people who walked before me and for the people who will walk after me. I'm tired. I spend so much time rah rahing and advocating for the greater good that I've almost convinced myself that cancer has been okay. That I am okay with my path. Just to be clear, I'm not okay with...but I understand it. I know that I'm not the only person in the world, dealing with unwanted issues. These feelings don't make me ungrateful, they make me real. Human. Honest.

These feelings make me remember that I'm still broken. And that it's okay to say out loud for the world to hear, CANCER SUCKS!!!! Because it does...

In sickness and in health...

I'm proud to say that I don't take anything for granted, especially after my journey with OVCA. Although I've been guilty of it in the past and I may occasionally go there for just a moment in the present...I still believe that I appreciate everything I have and everyone around me.

I was talking to a women yesterday about my battle with cancer. You know how the conversation goes. You try and give them a brief synopsis in an effort to hit all the major bullet points while you still have their attention. A lot of people are afraid of the word "cancer" and whether consciously or unconsciously will check-out of the conversation not long after hearing the word. After chatting for a moment, she asked if I had kids. I said no, unfortunately my husband and I had only been married a year before I was diagnosed. This is where the story gets interesting...

The response I'm use to hearing generally has something to do with "oh I'm so sorry", "well they're plenty of kids out there" and my all time favorite "you can have one of mine". Yesterday's response was a bit different. It went something like "oh, did he leave you?" Wow! I couldn't believe it. Did he leave me? I had a flashing vision of the Doctor entering my room through a revolving door saying, "I'm sorry Kia you have cancer" and watching Dan as he exited through that same revolving door. I have never had one passing thought that Dan would leave me. I'm not naive, I know that marriage takes a lot of work even in the best of times. However, when you say I do, or at least when Dan and I did, we meant every word of it. Of course, I didn't expect to cash in on the in sickness and in health card so soon, but that's what it's there for right? Why else would you say it?

It turns out that the women I was talking to had known a few people who were left standing at the cancer treatment line without their spouse or significant other standing by their side. That had been her experience up until now and all that she had as a point of reference. I jumped at the opportunity to show her a different side of the coin. There are a lot of people hanging in there in the mix of adversity and people should know about them.

I was watching my favorite pastor today(Joel Osteen) while on the treadmill and he said something that really drove the events of my weekend home for me. Everyone is in your life for a reason and a season. God does not promise us that they will be there forever. If they leave, then it was their time to leave. Choose to remember and focus on the positive things and people around you, doing so you can never go wrong.

There are a lot of people out there willing and able to take that walk with you. How can you see them if you never unblock your view?

Has it really been...a month since my last post??

Health wise, I'm doing great! I've got a bit of a cold right now, but I went to the emergency clinic yesterday and I think we've ruled out swine flu...you may think I'm crazy, but after my diagnosis of OVCA, I don't have too much faith in my once superhero abilities and I know that getting swine flu wouldn't be the strangest thing that's ever happened to me. I just had my port flushed(yep, still walking around with my socket) and next week I go in for my CA125 followed by my 3 month follow-up on June 9th. It's amazing how fast that time rolls around...

I'm busier than I've been in months and it feels good. I still haven't mastered the work/life balance that some people speak so highly of, but I'm getting there.

If you'll indulge me for a minute, I'll give you a little back story as to where I've been before I recap the highlights of where I'm going.

BC(Before Cancer) I was a career women! I lost sight of that girl, but I think we've finally reconnected. I worked as a casting director for the number 1 kids channel in the WORLD...Nickelodeon! I still plug Nick and it's amazing shows whenever I can...after-all Nick is where I learned everything that I know and for that I will be forever grateful. In addition to working on casting for some of the best shows ever, I had the wonderful opportunity to rub shoulders with some of the the biggest celebs in the business.

I made a decision to leave that world behind when I re-connected with my soul-mate. I knew it was time to spread my winds, I just didn't know how far I'd be asked to spread them:) When I arrived in FL in October 06, my plan was to start an acting school through which I would teach kids and teens, with the hopes of maybe identifying a potential star or two and without question, enriching the lives of many. I'd just gotten things up and running in September 07, when the cancer boom landed upon me in October 07.

Between October 07 and now my life's been an open book for any and everyone to take a peek at. I never imagined things would turn out the way they have, just added proof that we're not in control, no matter how much we like to think we are.

Back to me, the present me...things are moving along better than I would have ever anticipated. Once I finally made the decision to put one foot in front of another, the rest was smooth sailing(okay, maybe not smooth...but I was definitely sailing) In addition to my teaching, I've been working as a casting associate on a feature film, entitled "Letters To God".

Letters to God is the story of a 9-year-old boy who writes letters to God during his battle with cancer, and ends up touching countless lives with the power of his faith.

What are the chances that my first gig AC(After Cancer) would be a wonderful story about hope and faith. Words can't describe how incredibly honored and blessed I am to have the opportunity to do work that involves my two passions in life(CANCER and the world of Entertainment). I've said it before and I'll say it again, we are where we should be in life, in this moment and in this time.

Looking beyond cancer...

Wow! It's been ages since I've written, let alone had time to write.

I've got a lot of GOOD stuff happening for me right now. I can't spill the beans just yet, but let's just say this...IT FEELS GOOD TO BE BACK!!! I will be able to share more about it later...right now it takes everything I have to wrap my brain around and process it myself.

I moving forward and beyond cancer, yet the thought of that monster sneaking up on me again remains prevalent. Most days, I'm able to push pass my negative thoughts and replace them with positive ones. Occasionally those thoughts get the better of me. I think of how annoyed and pissed off I'd be if it reared it's ugly head and interrupted all of the goodness that's coming my way!!

My thoughts are always with my sisters who are still battling this disease. Please keep them and anyone who is suffering in your thoughts and prayers. My prayer list is getting pretty long, sometimes I fall asleep before I can get them all out. I know that GOD knows what's in my heart, so he listens even when I can vocalize what I'm feeling.

I promise to do a better job of keeping up with my blog. I've said it before and I'll say it again, I don't want to forget my journey or my mission to spread awareness. I've got some time management skills to work on(never been my strong suit even before cancer whacked me in the head)...I'm a work in progress, bare with me!!

Genetic testing and me...

I have no idea how this is going to turn out, but I know that I made the right decision, the right decision for me.

Yesterday I had my blood drawn for the Brac Analysis Testing. For those of you who are unfamiliar with it, it's a genetic test for hereditary breast and ovarian cancer. I have no history of breast or ovca besides my great auntie on my father's side who had breast cancer, however I'm concerned that I was diagnosed with OVCA at the age of 33 and that I have a history of cystic breast.

Before they run my blood, the company that does the genetic testing will have to check with my insurance company to make sure that they will cover the cost. If they choose not to(which wouldn't surprise me at all considering how insurance company's are), I will probably let sleeping dogs lie. There's no way I could afford to pay thousands of dollars at this point, so I'll just have to pray on it:)

What happens if I'm positive? I really can't say. I've already had OVCA so my biggest concern besides a possible recurrence would be breast cancer. I don't know if I'm the type of person who would choose to have an elective mastectomy. There's a part of me that feels certain that I would and then there's the part of me that is annoyed that I would even have to contemplate a decision like that. Isn't one cancer enough to deal with? I think so, but as I learned very quickly, I am not in control of this journey.

I wish more monority women would face their issues head on. There's no reason why we aren't benefiting from resources like the Brac Analysis to help us with early detection, ultimately saving our lives. I wish more doctor's were proactive in educating minority women about their options. The disparities in healthcare are a gap that we have to bridge. I'm sure I sound like a broken record to those of you who follow my blog, but until I see the numbers changing and more people taking control of their health, a broken record is what I'll be.

As far as my pending genetic test goes, what I can say is that I'm not going to worry about it. No need to put the cart be before the horse(I'm full of old adages this entry). Cancer has given me the strength to do things I've never dreamed of. My biggest concern of the day use to be what I was going to have for lunch. Thankfully, I'm slowly reconnecting with that person and it feels good!