Monday, July 27, 2009

FINALLY...My magazine debut...

It's been months since my big "photoshoot", you remember the one where the photographer joined me at my monthly luncheon for Ovarian Cancer survivors, a great treat organized every month by The Ovarian Cancer Alliance of FL. For those of you just joining my blog, I'll give you a brief recap of that magical day. After channeling my inner America's Next Top Model all thoughout lunch, the photographer then followed me home to catch some shots of Dan and I, kind of like something you'd see in "Ladies Home Journal"...shortly before the shoot I was interviewed for this same article where the writer would ultimately tell my story in an "as told to" format...which reads as if I'm speaking/writing in first person. The article would appear in the July issue of "All You Magazine", a magazine that you can only find in Walmart. I'm all for anything that creates awareness for OVCA, like many of you...that's my number one goal and the only way I can make since out of this dreadful disease. This article does just that! It creates awareness for the disease and reiterates that this disease does not discriminate!

Sounds good, right? A win win for all...sort of...

I say sort of, because although I'm pleased about the awareness Ovarian Cancer is getting, I don't feel like the article captures the true essence of who I am and how I've navigated my journey.

For starters, the article states that the hardest thing for me to process was the fact that I had to have a hysterectomy. For anyone who's a regular reader, you know that's simply not the case. I won't lie, the idea of having a hysterectomy at the age of of thirty-four totally sucks. No kids, instant menopause, and sleepless nights all thanks to my lack of ovaries...ovaries that I've had for over thirty years and as I told one class of nursing students that I recently spoke to, the WORST part is the fact that I had to contend with horrible periods for over twenty where's the justice in that!

I've said it once and I'll say it again, my hysterectomy was the EASIEST decision I ever made, as it was a matter of life or death and I CHOSE life. For ME it was the only decision. The article made it seem like my whole world was wrapped up in having children and a family of my own. I'm a smart, strong, confident woman and above all else I know that a family is what you make it.

The article also mentioned how I'd cry for days on end when I had treatment...yes, I admit tears would start out of no where, as chemo made me pretty emotional...but crying for days on end, even if I wanted to...Dan would never let that happen...not on his watch anyway:)

I wrote an e-mail to the lovely woman who interviewed me, not to complain or bitch...but to thank her for bringing OVCA to the limelight and to voice my concerns over some of the articles contents. She completely understood where I was coming from and although she did her best, once the piece leaves her hands it goes through a vigorous editing process, from there it's all out of her control. Having worked in the entertainment industry for years, I too know how these things work. Maybe I was too positive for someone dealing with such a hideous illness, maybe the idea of a young, newly married woman, struggling with the fact that her right to have children had just been taken away from her, would sell a few more magazines...who knows. I just know that I owed it to myself, my readers, and anyone out facing the same situation to speak up and speak out.

As soon as I can figure out a way to upload the article, I will...

*Okay-Here I am again, I think I got it. I had to upload the pdf to a media share sight, when you click on it it will take you to the file, from there you will be able to read it(hopefully)

Sunday, July 12, 2009


It's been one year since my hysterectomy and a little over a year since my last chemo. Time moves on whether you like it or not.

My relationship with time has been on again off again.

There are days where all I want to do is go back in time, to a time where cancer never invaded my universe.

I've wanted time to stop moving, enabling me to capture whatever moment of happiness I was enjoying at the time in a bottle that I never unsealed. Feeling free to enjoy everything and everyone around me and not falling victim to anymore hurt or despair.

I've wished that time would move forward, so that I could see for sure that everything would be okay and resume to my regularly scheduled program of a happy home, life, and family.

A year ago, my biggest concern was going outside for the world to see me without my scarf.

A week ago I wrapped up work on my first feature film.

Nine months ago I was writing about my bff and her new pregnancy.

A week ago we gathered to give her a beautiful shower and now we're on baby watch.

Six months ago, I couldn't/wouldn't allow myself to think past my next doctor's appointment.

Today, I'm planning vacations and holidays.

Today, I'm telling cancer...catch me if you can!!

Time is an interesting machine...