Tuesday, December 11, 2007

Going to the Dr...

I have my standard pre-chemo Dr.'s appointment today. I'm actually experiencing a little pain in my abdomen today, so I'm kind of looking forward to it...My Dr. is AWESOME, I know I'm in very good hands. Today I will also find out what my CA-125 is. CA-125 is a blood test that you take, it's an indicates the presence of a tumor in your body. The official definition is "CA 125 is a protein that is a so–called tumor marker or biomarker, which is a substance that is found in greater concentration in tumor cells than in other cells of the body. In particular, CA 125 is present in greater concentration in ovarian cancer cells than in other cells. Its function is not currently understood. CA stands for cancer antigen." The normal range is from 0-35, when I went in for my surgery I was at 59. After 1 round of chemo my count went to 27, followed by a count of 15. I pray is stays normal. Next week is my 4th round of chemo, I will officially be at the half way mark. It's going by really fast, but not fast enough...if that makes any sense:) The actually chemo isn't bad, it doesn't really hit until the 3rd or 4th day after...it's a feeling of being extremely exhausted and lethargic...you kind of feel like you're in another world. The nausea is manageable, at least for me(with the help of the anti-nausea meds)I'm very grateful that the side effects for me are minimal...You also become really emotional, I cry at happy things, sad things, even scary things, lol...I think crying is therapeutic, bring on the waterworks!!!

Saturday, December 8, 2007

Getting use to "Blogging"

It's sort of an effort, huh? I mean you have so much to say and yet it's a bit challenging to sit and write it all down. This mentality is probably why I could never keep a diary or journal going...I really want my cancer to mean something...that might sound strange...but the way I see it...if I can flush out everything that's in my mind, while on this journey...I believe something will be revealed. I know that there is no rhyme or reason as to who gets sick, who stays healthy, or when we leave this earth...however I know that there is a purpose for everything...

My husband(Dan) and I are painting this weekend, a couple of accent walls in our family room. I can't wait to see the end result. It's nice to do things like this, it's a great reminder that you are normal and that life doesn't stop with an illness...which is easier said than done.


Friday, December 7, 2007

Dear Cancer...

I've decided that you will not beat me. You are just a part of my journey. A small part of my journey. You will not consume me, I will go on living and appreciating all that life has to give. I was afraid of you in the beginning and I'll admit that sometimes, I still get a little flustered when I think of you and all that you have bestowed upon me. I'm normal and I will allow myself that moment, but it's just that...a moment.

My reflection in the mirror is different, but the woman I was and will continue to be is still there. No hair...okay. Weird feelings, joint pain, discolored fingernails...maybe. No matter what physical transformation's my body goes through...I'm still me. I'M STILL HERE!!!

Thursday, December 6, 2007

Diagnosis...Ovarian Cancer

October 1, 2007...diagnosis...Ovarian Cancer...Stage 2.

How did I go from a seemingly healthy 33 year old to 8 treatments of chemotherapy, once every 21 days. They're not kidding when they say that nothing is guaranteed...your life can change in an instant.

All I can say is THANK GOD for my GYN. upon going in for a routine exam, he thought he felt what appeared to be a fibroid tumor. Fibroid's as most woman know are usually benign tumors, if they're not bothering you...they're left alone. My doctor decided that he couldn't be sure of what was going on, it would be best if I came in for an ultrasound in a few weeks.

Fast forward: ultrasound day...Doctor: There's a mass on your ovary. It's about 13cm. It's a pretty good size, you don't feel that? Kia: Nope, I don't feel anything...only when you're pressing down on me! Doctor: Don't be alarmed but I'm going to refer you to a gynecologic oncologist, not because you have cancer(uh huh) but because he's the best at getting these type of things out...

Okay-cue panic...I'm totally freaking out, trying to compose myself before I get home. My husband asked me how the ultrasound went, I couldn't get one word out without balling...full on CROCODILE tears...

Fast Forward: Surgery to remove pelvic mass, which appeared to be coming from the right ovary.

I awake from surgery only for my husband to tell me that I have cancer. I saw his mouth moving, but I couldn't quite make out what he was saying. CANCER? No one thought it was cancer, of course they give you all possibilities...but even my gyn onc. was pretty sure we weren't looking at Cancer. Based on my age and health...it was sure to be a nasty fibroid.

God, please let this be a dream...please let this be a dream...that's all I said to myself...please let this be a dream.

No such luck, thing's have been moving full speed ahead since then...and I've only just begun...