Friday, January 29, 2010

Network TV gives Ovarian Cancer a new look...

Either I've become more "aware" because I'm an Ovarian Cancer survivor(which in some cases I have) or network TV has really picked up on the fact that Ovarian Cancer is a serious disease that's affecting women of all ages and they're FINALLY showing us that it's a disease worthy of "QUALITY" screen time. Screen time that isn't the reason why the main character has suddenly died a month after getting diagnosed and leaving behind her husband and her newborn child. It's sad to say, but until now that's what we've been watching...

With shows like "Mercy" and "Private Practice" it's refreshing to see Ovarian Cancer in the forefront and being presented in a brighter light. I flinch when I realize that a character is about to hear those oh so familiar words and I breathe a sigh of relief when I realize that what I'm about to witness is a new way of dealing with this illness...through these shows I've seen it affect women of color, women in their twenties, thirty's and forty's. People who look like me, share the same concerns as me...people who reflect the journey I've been on. Yes, I know they're actors, but oh how good it feels to see that people do survive even if it is a fictional wold. Grab hope where ever we can is my motto!

Sunday, January 24, 2010


So this is the last entry before I put down the pen...little did I know just a few months later I would embark on a path of journaling and sharing my story with the world...I also find it fascinating how many different feelings and range of emotions we tackle on a day to day basis, sometimes all within a few minutes time as you can see by the entry below.

November 4, 2007

Went to the Dr. two days ago and the news was great. My CA125 is back to normal, Dr. Finkler said that this is a really good indicator of how great your survival rate will be. I'm so thankful for the news, however I'm morning the loss of my hair. It started to fall out the day I went to the doctor, I think by next week I'll be bald. As prepared as I am or thought I would's still very disturbing. I don't feel pretty, that's pretty shallow but that's how I feel. I don't want to wallow but I have no other outlet. I just want to sleep and pretend that this isn't happening to me. I'm sad today, finding it hard to be optimistic. I know this will pass, but God it hurts. I don't want anyone to tell me it's gonna be okay, I know it will...just not today!

January 24, 2010

Saturday, January 23, 2010

RETRO BLOG #3 -I am not my hair

October 30, 2007

Today is the day that mama(my maternal grandmother) died 15 years ago. I pray that she is watching over me. I feel cheated by the amount of time I've loss with her, but some of my younger cousins have never even met her. She is my guardian angel, that I know for sure. I'm glad to have a few good ones up there. I wonder if they all talk and what the buzz is up there...Mama, Bill, Scott, & Aunt Joyce.

I believe I've lost the hair on my legs, it's weird. I wonder if that's what it will be like when I lose the hair on my head. It's been exactly two weeks since my first chemo. They said I would lose all of my hair in about two weeks. I cut it off the day after my first chemo, I'm working with little more than a buzz cut.

I stopped checking my pillow, when it goes it goes.

Wednesday, January 20, 2010

RETRO BLOG #2-What will cancer do to those who love me?

October 24, 2007

Eating again like crazy. Still having dreams about food. I guess things could be worst, lol. I talked to a bunch of people today. I realize that I have to get these calls in when I feel good, it really helps those who care about me feel better. Everyone says that when you're sick like me you have to focus on "doing you". I worry so much about what my illness will do to those around me.

Would love to have some chicken from Publix, Dan will think I'm crazy....

I've tried to journal all my life, maybe this time I'll stick to it.

Tuesday, January 19, 2010

RETRO BLOG(found some of my early thoughts)-DIAGNOSIS OVARIAN CANCER

In trying to get going and organized I came across a journal that I started when I was first diagnosed...I think I got three entries in before I dropped the pen and paper...again i was never good at keeping a journal:)

Here's the first one...

October 23, 2007

Diagnosed 22 days ago with Ovarian Cancer...I believe that was the worst day of my life. I have chemo again in exactly two weeks, it's hard not to dwell on that, especially when I'm feeling so good. I feel almost normal, what a blessing that is.

Side effects so far are a little insomnia, pain in legs, diarrhea and extreme hunger(probably from the steroids)....I really can't complain.

Dan is awesome, what a rock he is...I am so thankful for his presence in my life.

Friday, January 8, 2010

Teal Princess Strikes Again...

Okay, my parents always told me that race, politics, and religion were pretty much off limits when it comes to topics of conversation. Why? Because those are three of the most controversial issues you can broach. I generally live by this rule of thumb, but when I don't I'm pretty aware of who my audience is and how to navigate the conversation so as to get my opinion across without thoroughly pissing someone off or completely alienating someone who has the potential to become a lifelong friend.

I say all of this because, last week I had dinner with a few friends and of course the conversation landed on the state of our healthcare or lack thereof. I know you're probably thinking that I ride around in my teal dress and bat mobile on a crusade to save the world, making sure that each and every person I come across understands the importance of having QUALITY & AFFORDABLE healthcare. Well I don't...I try and hit you with it when you least expect it and again since I grew up knowing what and what not to say I'm always aware of my surroundings. So on this particular evening, surrounded by good friends I felt comfortable addressing the issue especially because one of my friends has no insurance because he's a freelance filmmaker and my other friend spent a year paying out of pocket for cobra as her and her husband were both unemployed, costing hem about $800.00 a month. Who can afford that?

As we sat there chatting about how ridiculous it is that my filmmaker friend doesn't have coverage and about what would happen to him should something serious occur, our waitress who clearly didn't get the race-politics-and religion are off limits memo, chimes in with her opinion. We're all entitled to our opinions, but know your boundaries...that's all I ask. Apparently she grew up in Europe or Canada, somewhere where there's universal healthcare. She proceeded to tell us how there shouldn't be universal healthcare and she shared her thoughts why. Something about an issue on her arm that took forever to be looked after as a kid, the end result being a scar or something. I don't know, I kind of tuned her out the moment she decided it was okay for her to share her opinion. I politely told her that, I'm not sure what the answer is but I do believe we need reform. I also told her that not one system is perfect, but it beats a blank which is what we have right now.

When you lack healthcare coverage, the phrase "Early Detection" has no meaning. If you can't afford to go to the doctor for check-ups, odds are you won't catch whatever ailment you have in a timely manner, thus decreasing your chances of a successful cure. Yes I know that there are clinics and government agencies that can point you in the direction for a free check-up, but what about the follow up? How do you begin to navigate your local government to figure out where to go and what the process is? Oh and when you get there, sometime between waiting for hours just to get seen and being treated like you're less than human...maybe just maybe you'll see a doctor who cares and not one who's underpaid and under appreciated.

What's the definition of reform? I'm still not clear...

Monday, January 4, 2010

Happy New Year!!

I had a fantastic holiday season!! If there's anything that cancer has taught me, it's to live-laugh-love always!!!! I don't have time for people who can't appreciate that sentiment and I chose not to surround myself with them. I'm not going to bore you with resolutions, I know what they are and I know what I need to do. No need to chat about it, as chatting doesn't accomplish anything. So this year is all about the physical act and making things manifest. I continue to pray for all of my sisters fighting the good but not so easy fight and although we are near and far, you are in my thoughts everyday. We are cancer warriors and the battle continues.

I'm attaching a picture of my beautiful God-Daughter because she's just too cute for words and because she reminds of all that's left to do in life and I'm keeping my eyes on the prize.

Wishing all of you a wonderful new year, filled with good health and prosperity.