I'm proud to say that I don't take anything for granted, especially after my journey with OVCA. Although I've been guilty of it in the past and I may occasionally go there for just a moment in the present...I still believe that I appreciate everything I have and everyone around me.
I was talking to a women yesterday about my battle with cancer. You know how the conversation goes. You try and give them a brief synopsis in an effort to hit all the major bullet points while you still have their attention. A lot of people are afraid of the word "cancer" and whether consciously or unconsciously will check-out of the conversation not long after hearing the word. After chatting for a moment, she asked if I had kids. I said no, unfortunately my husband and I had only been married a year before I was diagnosed. This is where the story gets interesting...
The response I'm use to hearing generally has something to do with "oh I'm so sorry", "well they're plenty of kids out there" and my all time favorite "you can have one of mine". Yesterday's response was a bit different. It went something like "oh, did he leave you?" Wow! I couldn't believe it. Did he leave me? I had a flashing vision of the Doctor entering my room through a revolving door saying, "I'm sorry Kia you have cancer" and watching Dan as he exited through that same revolving door. I have never had one passing thought that Dan would leave me. I'm not naive, I know that marriage takes a lot of work even in the best of times. However, when you say I do, or at least when Dan and I did, we meant every word of it. Of course, I didn't expect to cash in on the in sickness and in health card so soon, but that's what it's there for right? Why else would you say it?
It turns out that the women I was talking to had known a few people who were left standing at the cancer treatment line without their spouse or significant other standing by their side. That had been her experience up until now and all that she had as a point of reference. I jumped at the opportunity to show her a different side of the coin. There are a lot of people hanging in there in the mix of adversity and people should know about them.
I was watching my favorite pastor today(Joel Osteen) while on the treadmill and he said something that really drove the events of my weekend home for me. Everyone is in your life for a reason and a season. God does not promise us that they will be there forever. If they leave, then it was their time to leave. Choose to remember and focus on the positive things and people around you, doing so you can never go wrong.
There are a lot of people out there willing and able to take that walk with you. How can you see them if you never unblock your view?
4 comments:
This is a wonderful post. I know that my DH is getting mad at me as I try and tell him that he shouldn't have to deal with this. (He does not have nice words to say about men who have abandoned their wives literally or through affairs when they were diagnosed with cancer.) But, I am wondering - and even if you answer through email - did you ever feel the guilt of holding your spouse to you and thinking you should free him so he doesn't have to deal with all the pain associated with cancer and infertility?
Sorry if I'm rambling, but I know from time to time I am pushing my guy away. Lucky for me, he knows it and says things like, "After your done with chemo we can talk about this."
As always, a thoughtful post. I have never had that response from anyone. Very interesting.
My husband and I never wanted children, so infertility was never a "deal breaker". I can't imagine, if you truly love someone, that infertility would be a valid reason to leave. It saddens me that is so in some cases.
I'm glad things are going so well for you! Give that wonderful man of yours a big kiss :)
Wow - I'd have been speechless if someone said that to me...never, ever considered AJ leaving me, although I did have some time during chemo when I thought he 'should' because I hated that he had to go throgh such horrors because of me...but, thank everything, out the other side of that now...
ah, we are so lucky!!
the revolving door idea cracked me up! I've had dreams like that...ugh.
x
Ah I love this one. This is a story that needs to be told way more often than it is.
And the "people in your life" comment hits home. Letting people go is a concept that took me a really long time to understand and accept. A few years ago though someone explained it best. There are 3 types of friends. Friends for a reason, friends for a season & friends for a lifetime. As long as I can accept those categories I shouldn't have too much trouble with how folks may come & go.
I stick with that concept now.
-Sophia
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