Tuesday, April 27, 2010

MIA from Cancer...

Let's see...over the past month that I've been MIA from cancer, I forgot I had jury duty, I haven't gotten my port flushed in a really long time, I planned and hosted a 9 year old birthday party, I've been enjoying life and feeling a little guilty because I'm becoming so far removed from my mission.

First off, I NEVER miss jury duty, I LOVE it...it's a perfect time to just do nothing and when doing nothing is acceptable. I could probably become a career jury duty lady of leisure, how fantastic that would be! The port flush is another story, my doctors office changed the the policy for getting flushes and it's sooooooo daunting, so I've chosen the high road. I simply tuck it away in that little part of brain where things go to hang out when I don't want to deal with them, only revisiting often enough to say, "I need to get my port flush, I keep forgetting"...ha ha. After that little moment, away it goes again...until we meet again.

It's amazing how far removed from my cancer diagnosis I am, yet how close we remain. It's like that friend you don't have to speak to for years, yet when you do...it's like riding a bike, we pick up right where we left off. I still can't believe that was me, bald and rocking it, chemo bound and scared out of my mind. I don't ever want to lose my connection with cancer, I hate her...but I love who I've become because of her. There are those moments like today that I still get a sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach. We stopped by a sports bar near home for some wings and a memory came racing back to me. It was a few days before my first surgery, a few days before my word would change forever. We went to watch a football game at the bar and I was so sick to my stomach, we had to leave early. I wanted no food, I really wanted to get rid of the nausea that plagued me, and I wanted whatever was growing inside me to go away. Even as I write this, the tears are flowing...I'm okay now, yet there was a real chance I wouldn't be.

I've got to get back on the wagon. I've got to continue to speak out and speak loud about this RIDICULOUS disease!! More to come on that...I pray that whatever your journey is, that you are navigating your way through with the love and support of more people than you can handle, enjoying and living in the moment!

3 comments:

POD said...

Inspirational! And true. We (cancer and patient) have to stick together...ugh!

WhiteStone said...

In regards to your port flush...put it on your calendar.

Anything on my calendar gets done. If I forget it the first time, I re-write it a few days later. I never allow myself to set it aside.

Now my computer desk...that's a whole different (and messy) story!

jeanne said...

as a three year + survivor of this crappy disease... I respect your ability to step away from your blog. I do the same thing, I blog when I really need to since although I've been in treatments of one sort of another for the last 3 years, I still work and try and have a life...sometimes you have to step back. I was diagnosed with stage 3c ovarian cancer in April of 2007. I'm like Elizabeth Edwards, will always be in some kind of treatment to keep my cancer "stable" (is there such a thing). Keep your head up and keep up with LIFE.... that's your most important goal, then spread the word in any way you can to reach women and get the subtle signs and symptons out to them. We can save lives.
Jeanne