Happy "Almost" Thanksgiving!!

Things are looking up! I'm more motivated than I've been in a very long time...my energy still kind of sucks, but I'm getting there. I have some really great idea's brewing in regards to work and it feels really good. I'll share more as things develop, I'm not superstitious at all(well maybe a little)

We're leaving on Tuesday for Thanksgiving, so I'm not sure how many more post you'll receive before then. I have so much to do to get ready, even when you're not working there never seems to be enough time in the day:) We're headed up north to hang with my hubby's family, I have to get out my winter clothes...none of which fit I'm sure. Ahhh...one day my friends, one day my fabulous clothes will fit again:)

I may squeeze out one more entry before Tuesday, but in the event that I don't...Have a very, very, HAPPY THANKSGIVING!!! Blessings come in many shapes and sizes and are often right in front of your nose, God Bless!!

xoxo

Goodbye blues....

I'm feeling better today. Actually, this week hasn't been as bad as I thought it might be. On Monday I spoke to group of nursing students at The University of Central Florida. It's a program that the Ovarian Cancer Alliance of Florida in partnership with UCF, uses to educate nurses about Ovarian Cancer. Because nurses are on the front line, it's important that they have an accurate understanding about Ovarian Cancer and it's symptom's.

Speaking to the group of nurses reminded me of the big picture. It reminded me that there is a reason for all of this madness:) The night before my presentation I was so annoyed and fed up with the world including all that cancer has robbed me of...only to be reminded the next day about the gift that it has also given me. An even greater appreciation for life and the ability to help other's in more ways than I will ever know.

During my presentation I talk about my diagnosis, my treatment, and surgeries. More importantly, I talk about me. I speak from the heart. I remind people that there is a face behind every disease and that whatever your obstacle is, it doesn't have to beat you. After I finished my presentation a beautiful young(I felt extremely old amongst all those wide eyed college juniors) woman ran up to me and thanked me. She's a Hodgkin's survivor of two years. She thanked me for sharing my story. She thanked me for making her feel like she wasn't alone. She too lives with that nagging feeling that her cancer will return ,something that those around her can't seem to wrap their heads around. It was refreshing for her to see and hear from someone who gets it:)

I'm not saying that the only way to get it is to be a survivor or a patient, but in some ways you kind of do. I don't think any of us knows what another person is feeling unless we take a walk in their shoes. Sure we can empathize, but we'll never really know.

Thanks for the many words of encouragement. I pray that we are able to continue to lift each other up and that no weapon formed against us shall prosper...

xoxo

Can you say tired?

Is there a manual for re-entering the world of the living once you've had something like cancer? If so, please share!! My mind is ready to explode, every time I think about moving forward-I revert back to the same question...how the heck did I end up here? This is so not my life. So not the life I imagined...so not the life that anyone imagines.

I have many friends who are experiencing recurrence's of Ovarian Cancer right now. I really don't get it. Ovarian cancer is like an annoying fruit fly. Just when you think you've got them all, here comes another one. I normally have a pretty good outlook when it comes to my situation. I know there are people far worst off than me...but this is a blog and the only way to really appreciate my blog is for me to be truthful and let you in whether things are good--bad--or somewhere in the middle. And right now, things are somewhere in the middle.

I'm tired. I'm tired of feeling uncomfortable in my own skin. I'm tired of worrying about every little ache and pain. I'm tired of people telling me that everything will be okay. I'm tired of watching my friends endure treatment after treatment, surgery after surgery. I'm tired of being afraid that at any moment on any given day, the other shoe will drop. I'm tired of feeling guilty for feeling this way. I'm tired of watching people with perfect lives-the perfect house-the perfect marriage-perfect children-perfect health-and the perfect job.

There's no rhyme or reason to the way I'm feeling today and I'm sure tomorrow will be a better day. For right now, this is where I am...not where I'll stay.

Happy Birthday to Me!!!!!

I'm taking the day to reflect, for today is my 35th birthday!

I woke up today in a good place. I feel good...and I'm CANCER FREE!! Today as I reflect on my year and most importantly look ahead to my future, I remember all who have traveled along this road with me...

Here's a journal entry that I wrote last year on my online support group and as I've stated before...I wasn't very good at journaling, but I managed to capture last years birthday...amazing how far I've come!!

I turned 34 today. I am so very thankful that GOD has graced me with another year. That doesn't push away the feelings of sadness and despair that I felt periodically throughout the day. I had my second chemo treatment on Tuesday and it seems like it's taking me a bit longer to bounce back this time. I feel better than I did yesterday, but I'm still not 100%. My wonderful husband took me to breakfast where I proceeded to have a bit of a breakdown. For no reason at all, the tears came and I couldn't/ didn't want to stop them. It made me sad that I didn't feel good, that today was my b-day, that I have cancer and that I have to wear a scarf because I have no hair. Two minutes after my breakdown, a beautiful older woman and her husband approached me only to tell me how beautiful my scarf was and what a wonderful way I had tied it. I now call that lady my angel, God is always there to catch us before we fall.

xoxo

Kia