So there's this phenomenon called facebook. For those of you that have never heard of it, it's a social networking site where you can re-connect with any and everybody you've ever come in contact with. Anyone from your best friend in first grade to an old college professor. It's fantastic!!! It took me awhile to submit(I always go kicking and screaming when new technologies come on the scene), but now I'm totally addicted!
My dilemma is this...up until now I think I've been in what I'll call a "cancer bubble"-definition: a closed circle comprised of people who have witnessed/played a major role in your journey. These are the people that have seen you and been with you through your darkest days..your shiniest head...and your many cries of pain.
Leaving the "cancer bubble" is a bit like returning to the workforce after a very long hiatus or entering college with the hopes of leaving high school and everything you were or weren't at the door. How do you re-introduce your self to someone you've known all of your life but haven't seen in 20 years? How do you read about or listen to stories of marriage, children, and careers...when it feels like nothing you did before cancer is relevant? How do you combat that feeling that you're the odd man out, the leader of the pact, the first cancer victim amongst your peers but unfortunately not the last? Peers that you talked with, shared with, and dreamed with.
Another brutal dose of reality for me and for those I encounter I suppose it's a hard look at their own mortality. Kind of sucks for all involved, huh? I'm proud of the way I've handled things. I'm very outspoken and upfront about my illness, I sincerely hope it doesn't make anyone uncomfortable. It's the only way I know how to cope. It's the only way I know how to be me. The me that keeps on ticking no matter what, the me that desperately wants people to be aware of Ovarian Cancer and the sneaky beast that it can be. The me that is proud of how far I've come yet knows how much further I have to go.
3 comments:
As you know...this is the same dilemma that I have - not only with cancer - but with being Bipolar. I find it easier to mention the cancer...which was 13 years ago...but OY VEY...the mental illness...not so much. Either way - yes, people are taken back - but you never know what their truths are as well. I'm glad we sucked you in!
Been there, still there, still doing that. Your post speaks exactly what I feel on a daily basis. I don't know if it provides some comfort or not, but its normal and many women echo what you are saying. The frustrating thing for me is that almost 7 years later I still feel the same way. Its a matter of being comfortable being you and all the experiences that define you. Yeah its hard and it sucks though, when you reconnect with a college, HS, etc buddy and they do the typical "what's been up?" I usually stare at the screen for a few minutes trying to decide what to say and how to say it. Still haven't found the magic formula towards sharing that part of my life. If anyone's found it, please let us both know.
hear hear! It is pretty complicated telling people you haven't spoken to for a while - but I think it's probably harder for them to read our replies to their innocent "what's been up?" question. Imagine yourself [BC] trying to compose an answer? heh heh - must be a bit of a poser for most people - they can't really say "that's nice" or "how interesting". I bet they stare at their screens a lot longer than we do ;o)
I have found the blog to be a good way of telling people – direct them there, then they can read a little or a lot or just look at it and think ‘no thanks’ – people are afraid of how WE feel. If they know you can talk about it, it’s easier for them to behave ‘normally’ and one gets past that bit of conversation more easily. It’s not like we want to talk about it ALL the time is it?
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