Happy New Year!! The holiday's were great, we spent Christmas in North Carolina with my parents. Dan and I spent New Year's Eve at a local hotel, they had a dinner/dancing package that we couldn't resist. We were able to stay close to home and still have an amazing time. I'm so happy we went out, I really feel like we started the new year in the right way! The not so good news is that I'm old. I've been so caught up in being a "young ovarian cancer survivor" that I forget that I'm really not that young. Dancing in the interim has become quite the chore and after eating I'm usually headed for a nap. So going out and staying out(at least until the ball dropped) was quite impressive to say the least.
On Wednesday I went to get my port flushed at the hospital. Surprisingly my blood pressure was perfect. Usually just seeing the sign for the hospital, sends my pressure sky high. So although that may seem like a minor detail, it's actually a pretty major milestone. Could it be that I've finally gotten use to the white coats? I hope so, because a few more out of whack blood pressure readings might prompt someone to give me a pill to fix the problem and a pill is the last thing I need.
The one great thing about going to the doctor is that I'm always happy to see the wonderful staff of people who take such great care of all of us. You spend so much time with them, they kind of become your extended family or your home away from home. It's kind of weird when you don't see them every week.
Wednesday's visit was also really good for my soul. There was a women there going through a recurrence, after three years the cancer has metastasized to her lungs. She was so upset and frustrated with everything, my heart just ached for her. I also saw a few women come in who appeared to be having a not so great day, I'm assuming they just had chemo and my heart ached for them as well. Chemo can take such a toll on your body and I found myself sitting there praying that they would find some comfort. I wanted to reach out to them and tell them that things are better on the other side and that one day chemo will become more of a distant memory than they would have ever thought.
I left the doctor's office with proof of how far I've come and how much I've grown. No one knows what the future holds for them and I think I'm finally coming to a point where I believe that to be true. A few months ago, I would have left that office feeling sorry for myself hand in hand with new and added worries about when my other shoe was going drop. When I left this time, my thoughts remained with those I came in contact with. I'm working hard to live by the rule...why worry about something that is not in your control or that hasn't happened yet?
This is a step forward for me. I may have moments where things aren't as clear, but according to my rule...I'm not to worry about that yet!
2 comments:
Kia said "I'm working hard to live by the rule...why worry about something that is not in your control or that hasn't happened yet?"
That is so hard to do - but is so necessary when dealing with a crazy disease. It really helps with 'mental health' when you can put cancer out of your mind. I read several other blogs where people do nothing but worry and fret (none that I comment on). It seems (to me now) that this is an awful waste of time and energy. Yet, I spent a lot of time worrying and fretting too, and will certainly do so in the future despite my best intentions...
Your new years night out sounds like it was wonderful! What a great start to a great year for you!
I try to live by that too - and it is VERY hard sometimes. Every now and then I freak out completely - but actually, I am quite pleased with myself - as it IS only now and then. I think about 3 times in 2008 [yippee! that's past!]. Each time though, it exhausts me, and where's the sense in that? I have a million other things that need my energy - worrying about stuff "that hasn't happened yet" is a bad idea...you're so right.
I shall bear that in mind this week in the run up to the 2nd check up.
We will have a good year this year!
x
Post a Comment