I was pleasantly surprised that I handled my hair loss so well...but honestly when you're fighting for your life, whether or not you have hair on your head seems like a pretty trivial thing to worry about. So what if I look like an alien on the sci-fi channel or as yoda frrom Star Wars fame...my focus remained on kicking cancer's butt!! My love affair with mirrors goes as far back as I can remember...there were times when we didn't see eye to eye but like anything worth fighting for, we were able to overcome our differences and overall we've had a beautiful relationship. I've had some of the best times of my life with my friend mirror...so the idea that I could no longer stand the sight of one is a little unsettling to say the least.
I almost skipped writing about this chapter in my life, fearing that I might come across as super shallow...I decided to move forward because if I didn't, I wouldn't be true to myself and if I'm not true to myself...then the writing should stop here. Censoring my journey is not what I signed up for, so I'm apologizing in advance if there's anyone out there who might view this post differently. I'm aware that there are many people who are still fighting for their life and my thoughts and prayers are with them always. However, my battle of the bulge, hate affair with my locks, and pure displeasure with all that cancer has left behind deserves a voice.
A year ago, I was told that I would lose all of my hair to chemotherapy. Today I'm proud to announce that there's quite a bit of activity on my head, unfortunately for me my hair has taken on a life of it's own, quickly becoming more foe than friend.
I knew things were getting bad when I found myself trying to avoid mirrors like people trying to avoid the plague. I view every new stand of hair I have as a symbol of the war I won against cancer...yet in the end what I've come to realize is that I'm still a woman. I have needs, wants, hope's, aspirations and dreams. I've spent the last year of my life trying to make sense of this senseless disease which has actually turned into a welcomed distraction from the physical transformations I was going through. I didn't have time to wallow or pity myself, yet now it seems as if I have nothing but time on my hands...as I've spent the last seven days obsessing about my TWA(teeny weeny afro) and wondering how I can make it go away, hoping against hope that I could get the real "Kia" to make a guest appearance...maybe even stay awhile.
I was so tired of looking like a powder puff girl that I decided to take matters into my own hands...that's right, I got a weave!! My options were a perm and haircut which I would have to maintain with weekly/bi-weekly visits to the salon or a weave...a temporary solution that will last up to three months, with very little maintenance. No brainer for me, a weave it was. This will give my hair a chance to grow and hopefully get to the point where I can manage my new found texture without wanting to scream!
The physical, mental, and emotional effects of cancer are constantly revealing themselves even months after your last treatment or surgery. It should no surprise, but somehow it always is. You've done all that was required of you like a good girl or boy...so pass me my "A's" and let me move on to the next grade...easier said than done.
I almost skipped writing about this chapter in my life, fearing that I might come across as super shallow...I decided to move forward because if I didn't, I wouldn't be true to myself and if I'm not true to myself...then the writing should stop here. Censoring my journey is not what I signed up for, so I'm apologizing in advance if there's anyone out there who might view this post differently. I'm aware that there are many people who are still fighting for their life and my thoughts and prayers are with them always. However, my battle of the bulge, hate affair with my locks, and pure displeasure with all that cancer has left behind deserves a voice.
A year ago, I was told that I would lose all of my hair to chemotherapy. Today I'm proud to announce that there's quite a bit of activity on my head, unfortunately for me my hair has taken on a life of it's own, quickly becoming more foe than friend.
I knew things were getting bad when I found myself trying to avoid mirrors like people trying to avoid the plague. I view every new stand of hair I have as a symbol of the war I won against cancer...yet in the end what I've come to realize is that I'm still a woman. I have needs, wants, hope's, aspirations and dreams. I've spent the last year of my life trying to make sense of this senseless disease which has actually turned into a welcomed distraction from the physical transformations I was going through. I didn't have time to wallow or pity myself, yet now it seems as if I have nothing but time on my hands...as I've spent the last seven days obsessing about my TWA(teeny weeny afro) and wondering how I can make it go away, hoping against hope that I could get the real "Kia" to make a guest appearance...maybe even stay awhile.
I was so tired of looking like a powder puff girl that I decided to take matters into my own hands...that's right, I got a weave!! My options were a perm and haircut which I would have to maintain with weekly/bi-weekly visits to the salon or a weave...a temporary solution that will last up to three months, with very little maintenance. No brainer for me, a weave it was. This will give my hair a chance to grow and hopefully get to the point where I can manage my new found texture without wanting to scream!
The physical, mental, and emotional effects of cancer are constantly revealing themselves even months after your last treatment or surgery. It should no surprise, but somehow it always is. You've done all that was required of you like a good girl or boy...so pass me my "A's" and let me move on to the next grade...easier said than done.
2 comments:
the real "Kia"?? hey, she's there, just with the 'cross' Kia in front - I know exactly what you mean about hair. I have the same problem - and NO it's not shallow. Hair is important for self esteem - when mine fell out it seemed like the worst part. Silly, but true.
I think our hair is like our make-up...it makes up part of who we are & when it falls out, we feel a bit lost? BUT, it's growing yippee! Still don't know what to do with mine ;o)
x
Ah lovely ladies, I am slightly ahead of you both and I can tell you that soon your hair will be growing so much you'll be cursing having to wash it and style, just as you did before it fell out!
Why is it though that your leg and underarm hair seems to come back twice as quickly as the hair on your head? I still haven't figured that out! :-)
Em xxxx
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