The elephant in the room...

You know it's there but you'll do anything not to draw attention to it. It stands in the corner as big as a house...yet no one sees it? I don't buy it. We all see it, we just pretend not to because of how it makes us feel, unfortunately for us ignoring it's presence doesn't make it disappear.

Before I was diagnosed with cancer, I knew very little about hysterectomy's. I know that the word hysterectomy was almost taboo and that years and years ago no one talked about them. It left many woman feeling like having one some how made them less of a woman. If your mom or grand mom had to have one, you were often told that they were going into the hospital for a "procedure" or stomach trouble. I still hear woman today trying to figure out what to tell family, friends, boss' and co-workers. Talking about it helps me accept and understand my "new" reality.

I've noticed how people are reluctant to discuss kid's, be it their own or their wish to have one. And let us not forget that weird/awkward silence which I often refer to as the 'Cricket Effect", that takes over a room when I tell people that I can't have children. I assume it's because I'm so young, yet sometimes I think it's because they can't imagine how they would deal if faced with the same situation. Whatever the reason, it only makes the situation worst. I don't want to be handled with kit gloves. No everyday is not an easy one, but there are many people who are facing greater obstacles and for me that puts everything into perspective.

My decision was as easy as a choice between life or death. I'm upfront and direct when asked whether or not I can have kid's, maybe a little to direct for most. While I understand that this is a hard nut to swallow, it's something I live with everyday...something I don't have the privilege of ignoring.

So here I am, thrown into instant menopause complete with insomnia and hot flashes. I will break out and fan myself at any moment, but having my own private summer isn't as bad as I thought it would be. When I hear a great baby name I still make a note of it. I still dream that one day we'll be swapping out our oh so comfy guest room for a nursery, but until that day I'll continue to be happy and content with where I am at this moment and at this time.